Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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