erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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