Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
