Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
