pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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