I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
