Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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