What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
love makes seman taste better
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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