There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
