Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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