New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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