My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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