just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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