I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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