Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
