Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
