standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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