Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
