So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
