I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
