I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
