If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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