she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
