that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
