I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.