i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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