Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.