I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is the high leading the old right now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.