I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
