Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
