I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
