You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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