the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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