Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
