'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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