forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
