I don't usually arrange sex via text message
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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