goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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