it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
