i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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