I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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