Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
