Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
