wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
