how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The uberlube is also flammable
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
