Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
