we have pet lesbian snakes
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you didnt know i had herpes?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
