I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
