I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
