OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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