This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
