Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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