I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
