yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
