we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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