I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
