Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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