So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
