Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
