How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
