So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
