Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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