Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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