I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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