Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
