I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
