My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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