M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
