hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
