I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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