Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize